So much fun! And what a tiring, happy, difficult and special 3 days! It couldn't have gone better - Brian started by packing the truck in jig time, and there was a tiny bit of traffic around New Haven, but we sailed right into the city easily. AND found on-street parking for the moving truck and my car right on 20th street! The boys worked so hard in the humidity, but the city was quiet, and only one other family was moving in and there are two elevators, so it was smooth sailing. It took 1 1/2 hours to unload the truck. I had labeled boxes well, and unpacked as fast as they brought them up, so after rugs were down and then furniture, then bookcases, I just started unpacking books and dishes and clothes. It went like clock work. Pam came down after the service to help move me in and stayed with Brad, Peter and I as Brian and Scott headed home with the moving truck. In the elevator the rest of the three days, we would meet people and they would say "And who is the new seminarian?" and look first at Brad and Peter and then me - as the boys pointed right at me quickly! So many of the folks in the apartments have dogs, I'm afraid I know their names a little more than their owners. I asked Pam yesterday " now who owned Lola (a little yippy dog) - was her name Cindy or Sandy?" I had better get on the ball!

I LOVE  LOVE LOVE the apartment! The bedroom - in real estate-ese - is "cozy"! It is only 8x10, but my bed is on risers and the bedside table holds my CD alarm, stained glass lamp and books - all I need! The closet is spacious, and I already had Brian hang iron hooks from France with fleur de lis on them that are so pretty on the side near the door. The plum rug Brian and I picked out is perfect. The colors of the bed linens and shams and pillow are all sage green and plum. Lots of plans for the walls. And the bathroom is all white - tiled with a little cute window in the shower. The dragonfly shower curtain and periwinkle rug looks great, and we already shopped and have shelves to go up. The kitchen is a galley kitchen with tons of cabinet space and a broom/coat closet and a linen closet – all arranged and neat! The gas stove is a little shabby and looks well loved, but clean. All the floors are wooden parquet and the walls are ivory – newly painted and the kitchen is painted yellow with deep green windowsills - big window – great for plants! The kitchen window is on an angle and is near a window of the next apartment - we could literally loan each other a cup of sugar out the window to one another! My neighbor is Barbara from Pennsylvania - i am looking forward to getting to know her. The lon hallway actually turns into a little room outside the kitchen – the tea cart from the shop has the microwave on it and the jelly cabinet holds all my groceries. And there is even a bookshelf for my cookbooks!

The living area is the best part – huge 8’ windows overlooking the Close – green, leafy trees and a view right into the chapel! I already have herbs out on the fire escape – I am not planning to need to escape from anything, and boy do they look pretty out there! Everyone groaned moving scented geraniums and rosemary down to NY, but I ignored them – I know what is important in life! The furniture works in lots of different configurations and the table I had refinished from Eastern Butcher Block from the shop looks great – and feels reassuringly comfortable. I brought the desk from Peter’s room and a filing cabinet from the office for files. Near my wing chair and footstool I am setting up a little area for worship - my tiny stone fountain, icons from my travels, candles and incense. I have so many of my beloved things around me, it is new and old and exciting and comforting all at the same time – go figure! And the sunshine in the morning POURS into the living room – really lovely.

The first morning when I woke up I just stared at Brad, Peter and Pam in each of their beds – willing them to wake up – but noooo they wanted sleep! So I went for a walk in the neighborhood and went to the French bakery on the corner and had a latte and then went to meet Frankie – a neighborhood legend. He owns a convienience store and knows each seminarian and runs a tab for each one of us. He has had a seat at graduation in the front row for years, and is beloved by the community. Well – I walked in and saw him look at me with interest – someone new! He said good morning and asked how I was. I answered “just ducky – and yourself?” Well – he just threw back his head and laughed – and stuck out his hand for me to shake and asked my name. Then he said “Welcome home, Susan. We are going to be great friends, you and I”  How neat. I almost started to cry with the happiness of it all. And I DID feel like I was home in a way.

We shopped, ate out, hung things up and put things away, shopped some more – fun! The best part was spending time with Peter the week of his wedding, he was so stress free and relaxed, and seeing where his mama was going to spend the next three years seemed to reassure him that this was going to be OK. We went to the March of the Penguin movie – really wonderful. And met Tola, the soloist at the wedding, for supper. And Margaret and Norman – friends of Peters and Beth’s for cupcakes and coffee. And we almost ran over Ben Adams in a taxi and hung out the window and yelled for him to meet us to help carry our air conditioner upstairs – and he did! Peter said there are 9 million people in Manhattan and who walks in front of our cab but Ben! We took the train back to Don’s and then grabbed the car, arriving home a little bit ago. I already feel good about going back Sunday – I made everyone take a few minutes to spiff up before we left this morning for Grand Central – all the trash out, the dishes out of the drainer, rugs vacuumed, bathroom scrubbed. There are fresh flowers on the table and curtains up – sheer white organdy with appliqué flowers on the header that were blowing gently in the breeze – the windows wide open – no bugs! So it is way cool – I think I am liking this sanctuary very much. How blessed am I?

I wonder when I'll be able to sleep more than a few hours again? I don't need much sleep at all, but that is usually my choice. For the longest time, I haven't had more than a few hours any given night. I pop up after 2 or 3 hours and my mind just jumps from one thing to another - I love multi-tasking, take a perverse pride in it as a matter of fact. But  I have never in my life juggled so much stuff, emotionally more than physically.

Yesterday was Peter's 25th birthday - as well as my niece Cassie, now double digits, 10 - both born on the same day - how neat! And it was Peter's bachelor party, right here at the farm.  Grown men - squealing over rooftop volleyball and thundering around playing manhunt last night. Using sidewalk chalk to make lines on the driveway. Going for a moonlight walk around the farm. There was also poker, a manly game accompanied by bottles of beer and pizza. Scott thought low-key at the farm would be a good thing, he doesn't believe in the need for strippers and drinking games to celebrate the end of being single, which made mama happy. But it was the running around the farm in the dark giggling like 8 year olds that had me in tears. Brian and I just kept shaking our heads, smiling as we listened to them. Brad was home from the west coast for the wedding, he and Peter have been best buddies for years. Peter was so excited to see him!  They went fishing at 5:30 in the morning - Peter doesn't eat fish! - and then played paintball in the afternoon, his friends really made it a special day - and birthday - for him. My baby.

And then last night I had a TOTAL meltdown over packing my slippers for New York. Brian innocently gave me my foot duvets - warm, down-filled slippers he gave me a couple of years ago I keep tucked away in the living room to put on when I finally light on the sofa at night in the winter. Brian thought I might need them in NY - I immediately started to sob that they were for wearing with HIM, in our LIVING ROOM, watching TV TOGETHER - what was he thinking? The poor guy just gingerly put them back as I carried on about how could he POSSIBLY think THAT was a good idea? He admitted he lost his head for a minute and wouldn't mention the slippers again. Sighhhhh - this is getting too hard.

My last get-together with friends, with the beloved scrabble group, took place Friday night. An Italian meal that Diane and Margery created, the table decorated so beautifully - right down to the Italian music, centerpiece and favors. That girl has such a flair! Constant conversations, lots of them at once, swirling around the 8 of us. Women from their 40's to age 78 - all supportive and loving one another unconditionally. They gave me a charm bracelet - with beautiful charms to remember them by - as if I would forget! Block Island, the word JOY, an antique scrabble tile with the letter "S", a fork,knife and spoon, the words "I believe", a penguin, a dragonfly, a RI quarter in a silver bezel - all special reminders of my friends. I will wear it cheerfully while I am away, but I will still leave my slippers behind. We also celebrated June's birthday and Pat has a new apartment, so we showered her with a few things to make it special. I just love the way we celebrate one another and our milestones - and it is the ease in which we come together and pick up on conversations from the previous month that I will miss so much. Towards the end of the evening, the talk started to go towards future get-togethers, and other church activities that are happening in September. And I just sat quietly thinking that it was ok, but it really was killing me that I wouldn't be able to be at most of these fun times. But I will be home for the retreat to Block Island with the WINGS group in October. Surely the seminary can't take me away from these people totally, cold-turkey. I need to ease away, or it will hurt my heart. They will visit me in New York - but not monthly. So another door gently shuts, just enough of a crack to peek in and see what is happening without me. And if I am lucky, some of the activity will overlap with coming home for a week-end now and then. Oh, well. Endings and beginnings. And as Brian says, maybe someone else will now have a shot at winning at scrabble! God has other games for me to play and other places to be, and so it begins.

The moving truck will be here in a few hours, so I guess I am on my way to see what the new apartment looks like and explore the neighborhood a bit and enjoy this process,a nd begin to meet folks. Brad and Peter and Scott and Brian are moving me - the shop is filled to the gills with so many boxes! It takes a lot of stuff to live well. Bathroom stuff, kitchen stuff, bedroom stuff, study stuff, pretty stuff, comforting stuff, and lots and lots of stained glass and mosaic stuff! I like to think I could live with very little - and I probably could. But I have felt the need to really nest - make my apartment a sanctuary. In the spirit of contolling VERY LITTLE for the past two years, leaning into God's will for me, I can at least surround myself with things that remind me of the farm, and make me smile. No less than three pictures of the farm, nope - four. And a huge wreath of blue and purple hydrangeas that Karen made just before we closed. My stained glass mosaic mirrors. Stained glass panels. Two of my bunnies - maybe more to come. Dishes and vases from Taize. A purple teapot, blue and purple dishes. Handmade pottery from Block Island, all kinds of beautiful and functional things.  Pam will be coming down this afternoon  to help unpack boxes, and she and Peter and Brad will be staying with me til Tuesday - Scott and Brian will drive the moving truck home tonight. It will be a long day for everyone.  I hope we get some kind of parking on the street,  it won't be pretty as Noradeen says. But tonight - I will sleep on my new mattress, in my new sheets, surrounded by pretty things that will make me comfortable for the next three years. Melding my old life and my new one. Bring it on! Beginnings and endings. All blurred together. Thanks be to God!

OK - I am NOT good at saying good-bye. There - I have admitted it. I have an image in my head of being able to do almost anything - but the reality is that I am very bad at some things. (Have I mentioned that ancient Greek is a STUPID language?) What I am feeling really inept at this morning is saying good-bye. I thought I could do this. Lord knows I have had enough time to think about it. It is no surprise to me that I will be only four hours - but in some ways a world away -  from home. For three years. And, frankly, I like my life. I loved the shop. I enjoy my friends and family. A lot. The day before leaving for Block Island, I had my little nephew Jonathan overnight. He is energetic and tired me out - Auntie Sue isn't as spry as she once was! - But I had a blast -he is such a cutie, and I love him and his sister and brother and my other two nieces so much. And I am very aware of all I will miss of these early years while I am away. Sure, we have holidays, but it isn't the same as seeing them casually in their own homes.

There has been an increasingly large number of get-togethers where the unspoken thought is "one last time". Tuesday I went to Wickford with Connie, Karen and Maryann - shopping, eating, laughing and laughing some more. We have shared ao much over a mess of years. Our kids and husbands - our dreams for them and ourselves. And really, it will be different now. And then dinner the next night with Pam and Ronn - a very amusing trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond after dinner to buy an inflatable bed for the apartment for guests (that we inflated and tried out in the store!) and a lost car a la Seinfeld in the parking garage. But underneath an accute knowledge that our days of going out together easily will be lessened. And an apartment shower! On Thursday with Deirdre, Amanda and Paula - at Chesters. What a blast! Truly pampering and wonderful things for the apartment that I wouldn't have bought for myself. Beautifully wrapped with charming notes and gentle sayings I value as much as the beautiful gifts. Last night a cookout with Jill, Frank, Nicole and David - two newer friends and dear people. A picnic outside - maybe our last at the farm for awhile? Sitting on the porch after dark listening to the frogs and owls and feeling the gentle breeze, we talked about the wedding last week of Frank and Jill's daughter Sarah - I've known her since she was little - how could she be a married woman now? Too much change - too fast. And still to come - dinner with Dad and Beverly Tuesday  to say a quiet good-bye before the wedding. AND a birthday party next week for our boys and Cassie - oh, my. And i haven't even dealt with saying good-bye to my church family - only two more services. I love them all so much. And yesterday Ellen and I sat at the kitchen table at the camp just bawling about how could little, impish Peter POSSIBLY be getting married?!  AND  building a house? And a dinner next week with the "Scrabble Group" - a subset of the WINGS group from church. A couragous and fun loving group of women who have supported one another in lots of varied circumstances over the past year. They are the best - wearing their hearts on their sleeves, helping one another through all kinds of situations with advice, laughter and presence. It is really difficult  to do these things, as fun and wonderful as they are. As hard and emotional as it is, the touching and needed undercurrent is that I will be missed. That maybe they will notice I'm not around anymore for awhile. I KNOW life goes on. And people have routines and things to do and places to go. But to not be part of the everyday things is killing me. I LIKE these folks. I LOVE  these quirky beautiful friends and family I have. And I don't particularly want any others - there - I've said it. I will go and bond to a point with these other unknown people at seminary. But I really want to just keep and treasure the friends  I now have. If that makes me a big baby - so be it. How am I ever going to get through the next two weeks?

A lot of my musings about the nature of heaven involve Block Island. Every year when I return for my annual week, I have a moment of trepidation that it will have changed while I was away - and every year I sigh a big sigh of relief and smile a huge smile of happiness that it remains very much the same. As the ferry glides into Old Harbor, the breakfront is still the same, the hotels and shops look exactly as I left them, and the people all look so happy and relaxed and move slowly somehow, and stroll in a very different way than the people we left back on the mainland. Stress drops off my shoulders and I feel like I am returning home. I started going when I was much younger, and visited my parents every year when they stayed at the Surf for two weeks, then brought Brian when the boys were just babies. We would pick wild blackberries for jam, rosehips and bayberries. Brian and Dad would go swimming on Mansion beach and mom and I would give the boys baths and lay them on the beds for a nap while we sat on the porch sipping iced tea and rocking and talking. The shades would slap gently against the screens and they would be out for hours - up at 5:30 to catch the ferry, the sun and salt air would tucker them out. Such a tranquil time. After mom died I stayed with my dad for a week every August, and the boys stayed with him a week as well - a special time for the three of them. I still feel tremendously connected to my mom, and my dad as well,  when I am there. Lots of vivid dreams each year. And now not only do I have a room for a week, but so does Pam and Scott and Peter & Bethany - although they took this year off to accomodate the wedding. What a great - although REALLY HOT - week this one was! At the last minute I felt that there was no way I could justify going with all that I have to do - after all - the wedding is in three weeks! AND I am nowhere near packed for New York - what am I thinking about taking off for a week?!!! But it was fleeting - and I'm so glad I wasn't sensible, because as much as I need the time to work on things at home, my SOUL needed Block Island. The same people return year after year - some are going to be guests at the wedding - that's how family like we all are. Reading, playing scrabble, walking on the beach, shopping, morning prayer at sunrise, evening prayer at sunset, rocking on the porch in those wonderful rocking chairs, and going up to the North Lighthouse were all so relaxing and easy this year. Pam and I gathered smooth beach stones at sunset up at the lighthouse for a project for the wedding, with the changing colors of the sky and no one there but us and the sound of the waves lapping against the shore - there was no where else on earth I wanted to be. It was truly a blessing to have this down time before the explosion of change coming in the next weeks. Thanks be to God!

I DID IT!!  And it wasn't too bad! We had Morning Prayer instead of the Eucharist, and that was wonderful, we don't do it often enough. (I do it every morning, but I seldom have company unless on a retreat.)

Bill Hurry was the officiate, and he did a tremendous job. I was surprised at the number of people in church -- 60+, not bad for a holiday weekend. The organist said she saw my hands shaking a little as I switched papers around when I finished reading each one at the lectern, but it never showed in my voice. So that was good. I made key words bold to help me to remember to slow down as I spoke, too. When I get passionate about a topic, I tend to speed up -- and this was a topic I was pretty passionate about! Sooo - I guess I can do it -- and will certainly get better at it.

What an interesting process. At first I thought I could tie together all the readings – and the psalm! Yeah, right. I pretty quickly tossed that out. Then I sat with all the readings and just had to go with the end of the gospel – -- this last part of Matthew, 11:25-30 really kept resonating with me -- it was a “gimmee” – as Bill said when I saw him for breakfast before the service. When he saw the readings this week, and read about carrying heavy burdens, he said he couldn’t wait to hear what I had to say about that! Hmmm. I have found these words of Jesus to be a comfort for years. I'm not sure I will have to put in so much time for every sermon I ever write, but it is an fascinating process to fine-tune something and when I started I was so all over the map! And I wrote a prayer at the end, not having a clue how to finish up, the words came to me, so I used them. I also woke last night, such little amount of it as it was -- around 3:30, realizing I had used the old words -- the ones I had learned as a child "come unto me all who are heavy laden, and I will refresh you..." not this "carrying heavy burdens" stuff. Oh, well - I jumped out of bed and changed it -- knowing the newer folks wouldn't be able to follow along in their bulletins. Although as Scott said, "who would ever notice that but you, mom? no offense".  Bill also had me read the Gospel - something I have never done before - AND give the blessing and charge at the end. Whew - heady stuff!  I think I am on my way. It blew me away to greet people coming out of church, I thought they would be polite and nice – after all, this is my church family – they really love me! But it was so much more than that – sincere words about what it all meant to them, specific quotes (they LISTENED!) and just warm and lovely support. How lucky am I? Whew! Pam called to check on me a few minutes ago – and I asked her if this was the “throw her in the middle of the lake and see if she can swim” theory? And she said “yup – I knew you would never use an old sermon of mine and I also knew it would be fabulous!” What a girl! And just think – in the real world – when I get there in three years – I would get to do it all again next week!!

I just put the finishing touches on what is my first honest-to-goodness sermon! I have preached before -- homilies, stewardship, Pam's words. But this is my real first sermon concerning the Gospel. AND I did it with Pam out of town, and no-one to turn to but my own instincts. On the way to the airport (she was leaving for a vacation to visit her folks in the Midwest) she asked me if I would take home her brown pocketbook, visit a parishioner in the hospital -and oh, yeah, do the sermon on Sunday! At 5:30am - I just wasn't quick enough to say no! She gave me her file of ten years worth of ideas and past sermons, and said if I was really, really stuck, I could read one of hers from St. Chad's. But she had faith in me. Oh, my!

Soooo - long and short is that I did it! It took about 60 hours, and I just practiced out loud for the last time, and it is a little over 9 minutes -- a good time. I have pretty much mastered reading appropriately slowly the lessons -- let's see if I can go slowly enough. Now that I am done, it was actually enjoyable. Of course, that is all that has been on my mind -- tweaking words, changing things slightly since Thursday night. Well – let’s hope it all goes well tomorrow. What an interesting process this is! I just want it to be good for all my wonderful folks tomorrow…..

How did 30 years go by in the blink of an eye? Brian and I just got home from a 30th anniversary trip - to Niagara Falls. We had a blast! I had been there as a youngster, but Brian never had. I will admit sheepishly that I was not as excited as I have been about a lot of our other travels - let's face it - we have been to some pretty cool places. BUT - I was so wrong! We stayed on the Canadian side in an awesome room overlooking the whirlpool gorge. I managed to freak out the kids - mainly Bethany - with my enthusiastic phone call about the excitement of their upgrade to a room with a huge heart-shaped jacuzzi tub surrounded by mirrors - I guess it was too much information!   She has now threatened to call from their honeymoon in August - oops!

Well - one of the best parts I didn't anticipate was the drive up to the Falls. We talked and relaxed and  laughed and then listened to the tapes of "The DaVinci Code". I had read the book, but Brian hadn't. We had brought our EFM readings and our bibles were in the backseat, I looked up things and we replayed bits and just generally enjoyed listening while loving the scenery. We did regular sight-seeing - the Maid of the Mist is always an awesome experience, going behind the falls, the butterfly conservatory, the floral clock, and the weather was cool and comfortable. AND we went to a glass blowing studio where they make cranberry glass that is really unique that has 22 karat gold in it - very luminesent and rare. An artist from Italy does this - AND Brian found a vase I loved and bought it for me, and he went to the glass blower, Sebastian, and he signed it for us. It had been blown the day before - on our actual anniversary. How neat!

Our anniversary dinner was so cool - on the top of the Skylon Tower at 54 stories - it has a revolving restaurant, and Friday night there are fireworks over the falls. Well - I backed into the time, and we made reservations for when we estimated we would be right there for the 10:00 fireworks. Brian figured it was too much of a gamble - how would we know where in the revolutions we would be at 10?  I, on the other hand, never really worried - when we got there we were led to a seat about 1/4 turn off from my predictions, but it didn't bother me a bit - I figured it would all work out. AND - it did! It was sunset and absolutely breathtaking. The food was incredible, as was the wine from a vineyard we had visited that day. And lo and behold - right smack dab outside of our window (did I mention we had a window seat?!!) were the fireworks at 10:00. Later when we had come down (little yellow elevators that looked like bugs running up and down the outside of the tower - I have white knuckles to show for THAT ride)  Brian looked up and counted - "hmm - 80 windows and the fireworks were right outside ours!"  My very favorite thing that happened, though, was that right in back of us a were a couple, and he proposed to her. At the end of the night, Brian went over to them and told them we couldn't help but overhear, and if they were half as happy as we were after 30 years, they would have a wonderful life. How sweet is that? It is a not like Brian to insert himself like that, but it made my day!

We drove the next day up to Niagara-on-the-Lake -  on the shore of Lake Ontario. What a pretty little town! Not marred by fast-food places, it is a throw-back to earlier times. We toured 2 vineyards and bought a lot of wine to take home - most notable was the Ice Wine - I developed a real fondness for that kind of wine in Germany and France. I bought some things for my apartment in NY, and we just had a lovely day. We also had a wonderful dinner another night in the huge casino there, and left a little money in their slot machines as well - although we played for quite awhile. Another night we went to a Canadian dinner and show that was goofy, but fun. Real French Canadian food, and it was so relaxing to just lean into the silliness of it all. The shuttle bus from our hotel made a continuous loop around to all the areas along the falls, parking is difficult, so it was easy to hop on and off. We used it every day and night. It was driven by a man named Jimmy, who played cool music from the 40's very loudly. He looked like Gene Wilder and was so exuberant and fun, it was just a blast to get on with him - here we were driving past the illuminated falls, everyone singing at the top of our lungs and just grinning from ear to ear. There was no place I would have wanted to be and no-one I would have wanted to be with than Brian. Our last morning, Brian walked over a bridge to an island, while I stayed behind at the American Falls. I sat alone right near the falls doing morning prayer, and it was an incredible experience - who can possibly deny the existence of God and be near all that glorious water? The sun was warm, there was a light mist and rainbows everywhere. It is a feeling that will stay with me for quite awhile - what a gift!

On the way home, we took another night to stay in Corning. We had taken the boys there years ago to the Corning Glass Works. I called ahead and registered for 4 classes in their walk-in-workshops. When we got there, everyone seemed to know who I was - "Oh, you're the woman that signed up for FOUR classes!" Apparently that isn't done too often! After we toured the museum - all that GLASS!! - I went to the workshop studios. I made a fused glass mirror in greens, irridized clear, blue and violet. And a handblown glass flower - looks a little like a lily, as a wall vase, with deep amethyst, white and cobalt blue - really pretty. and two different lampworked beads. It was so wonderful. I balked at doing something just for myself while with Brian, but he said it made him happy to see me so happy and enthused. What a guy! He watched golf while I did the workshops and seemed quite satisfied with that. We had a great Italian dinner in town, and then went back the next day to pick up my projects, they had to stay in an annealing kiln overnight. Again - we met pairs of workers I had met the day before walking around "How did your pieces turn out?" Brian asked if I talked to EVERYONE?! And of course the answer was yup!. I also found a beautiful set of candlesticks and a matching vase for Bethany as well as - ready? - wee little glass penguin earrings!! (the mascot at the seminary is a penguin, and I have a collection) We then headed home the next day - refreshed and happy and ready for the next 30 - may they be filled with as much love and adventure as the first 30! How lucky are we?!

OK - this is so surreal - it is Thursday morning and instead of rushing through a load of laundry to get out and open the shop - I am studying GREEK! I have decided since so many things are out of my control, the least I can do is feel a little more confident by starting off the school year with a tad more knowledge about this language that will help me with New Testament studies. Hmmmm - this is challenging. A good friend and customer gave me a book of introductory Greek this weekend that was hers, for me to take to seminary, and I chuckled when I read the date it was written - 1923! And of course that is not a problem, since this is an ancient language. As interesting as this studying is, I still miss looking forward to greeting a new day with Karen and Maryann and a parade of customers. MY customers. Sighhhh.

The yard sale went really well, and the shop is sadly different and empty. But when I work up the courage to go in - maybe tomorrow - I will start to make it mine again. Good - just different. Having the space to spread out the stained glass and enameling supplies will be really fun, so I am concentrating on what will be and not what has gone before. Actually, today's morning prayer included this from the collect for the day:   "O God, your never-failing providence sets in order all  things both in heaven and earth"  That really does say it all. I think I am going to hang on to that for today.