OK - I am NOT good at saying good-bye. There - I have admitted it. I have an image in my head of being able to do almost anything - but the reality is that I am very bad at some things. (Have I mentioned that ancient Greek is a STUPID language?) What I am feeling really inept at this morning is saying good-bye. I thought I could do this. Lord knows I have had enough time to think about it. It is no surprise to me that I will be only four hours - but in some ways a world away -  from home. For three years. And, frankly, I like my life. I loved the shop. I enjoy my friends and family. A lot. The day before leaving for Block Island, I had my little nephew Jonathan overnight. He is energetic and tired me out - Auntie Sue isn't as spry as she once was! - But I had a blast -he is such a cutie, and I love him and his sister and brother and my other two nieces so much. And I am very aware of all I will miss of these early years while I am away. Sure, we have holidays, but it isn't the same as seeing them casually in their own homes.

There has been an increasingly large number of get-togethers where the unspoken thought is "one last time". Tuesday I went to Wickford with Connie, Karen and Maryann - shopping, eating, laughing and laughing some more. We have shared ao much over a mess of years. Our kids and husbands - our dreams for them and ourselves. And really, it will be different now. And then dinner the next night with Pam and Ronn - a very amusing trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond after dinner to buy an inflatable bed for the apartment for guests (that we inflated and tried out in the store!) and a lost car a la Seinfeld in the parking garage. But underneath an accute knowledge that our days of going out together easily will be lessened. And an apartment shower! On Thursday with Deirdre, Amanda and Paula - at Chesters. What a blast! Truly pampering and wonderful things for the apartment that I wouldn't have bought for myself. Beautifully wrapped with charming notes and gentle sayings I value as much as the beautiful gifts. Last night a cookout with Jill, Frank, Nicole and David - two newer friends and dear people. A picnic outside - maybe our last at the farm for awhile? Sitting on the porch after dark listening to the frogs and owls and feeling the gentle breeze, we talked about the wedding last week of Frank and Jill's daughter Sarah - I've known her since she was little - how could she be a married woman now? Too much change - too fast. And still to come - dinner with Dad and Beverly Tuesday  to say a quiet good-bye before the wedding. AND a birthday party next week for our boys and Cassie - oh, my. And i haven't even dealt with saying good-bye to my church family - only two more services. I love them all so much. And yesterday Ellen and I sat at the kitchen table at the camp just bawling about how could little, impish Peter POSSIBLY be getting married?!  AND  building a house? And a dinner next week with the "Scrabble Group" - a subset of the WINGS group from church. A couragous and fun loving group of women who have supported one another in lots of varied circumstances over the past year. They are the best - wearing their hearts on their sleeves, helping one another through all kinds of situations with advice, laughter and presence. It is really difficult  to do these things, as fun and wonderful as they are. As hard and emotional as it is, the touching and needed undercurrent is that I will be missed. That maybe they will notice I'm not around anymore for awhile. I KNOW life goes on. And people have routines and things to do and places to go. But to not be part of the everyday things is killing me. I LIKE these folks. I LOVE  these quirky beautiful friends and family I have. And I don't particularly want any others - there - I've said it. I will go and bond to a point with these other unknown people at seminary. But I really want to just keep and treasure the friends  I now have. If that makes me a big baby - so be it. How am I ever going to get through the next two weeks?