I wonder when I'll be able to sleep more than a few hours again? I don't need much sleep at all, but that is usually my choice. For the longest time, I haven't had more than a few hours any given night. I pop up after 2 or 3 hours and my mind just jumps from one thing to another - I love multi-tasking, take a perverse pride in it as a matter of fact. But  I have never in my life juggled so much stuff, emotionally more than physically.

Yesterday was Peter's 25th birthday - as well as my niece Cassie, now double digits, 10 - both born on the same day - how neat! And it was Peter's bachelor party, right here at the farm.  Grown men - squealing over rooftop volleyball and thundering around playing manhunt last night. Using sidewalk chalk to make lines on the driveway. Going for a moonlight walk around the farm. There was also poker, a manly game accompanied by bottles of beer and pizza. Scott thought low-key at the farm would be a good thing, he doesn't believe in the need for strippers and drinking games to celebrate the end of being single, which made mama happy. But it was the running around the farm in the dark giggling like 8 year olds that had me in tears. Brian and I just kept shaking our heads, smiling as we listened to them. Brad was home from the west coast for the wedding, he and Peter have been best buddies for years. Peter was so excited to see him!  They went fishing at 5:30 in the morning - Peter doesn't eat fish! - and then played paintball in the afternoon, his friends really made it a special day - and birthday - for him. My baby.

And then last night I had a TOTAL meltdown over packing my slippers for New York. Brian innocently gave me my foot duvets - warm, down-filled slippers he gave me a couple of years ago I keep tucked away in the living room to put on when I finally light on the sofa at night in the winter. Brian thought I might need them in NY - I immediately started to sob that they were for wearing with HIM, in our LIVING ROOM, watching TV TOGETHER - what was he thinking? The poor guy just gingerly put them back as I carried on about how could he POSSIBLY think THAT was a good idea? He admitted he lost his head for a minute and wouldn't mention the slippers again. Sighhhhh - this is getting too hard.

My last get-together with friends, with the beloved scrabble group, took place Friday night. An Italian meal that Diane and Margery created, the table decorated so beautifully - right down to the Italian music, centerpiece and favors. That girl has such a flair! Constant conversations, lots of them at once, swirling around the 8 of us. Women from their 40's to age 78 - all supportive and loving one another unconditionally. They gave me a charm bracelet - with beautiful charms to remember them by - as if I would forget! Block Island, the word JOY, an antique scrabble tile with the letter "S", a fork,knife and spoon, the words "I believe", a penguin, a dragonfly, a RI quarter in a silver bezel - all special reminders of my friends. I will wear it cheerfully while I am away, but I will still leave my slippers behind. We also celebrated June's birthday and Pat has a new apartment, so we showered her with a few things to make it special. I just love the way we celebrate one another and our milestones - and it is the ease in which we come together and pick up on conversations from the previous month that I will miss so much. Towards the end of the evening, the talk started to go towards future get-togethers, and other church activities that are happening in September. And I just sat quietly thinking that it was ok, but it really was killing me that I wouldn't be able to be at most of these fun times. But I will be home for the retreat to Block Island with the WINGS group in October. Surely the seminary can't take me away from these people totally, cold-turkey. I need to ease away, or it will hurt my heart. They will visit me in New York - but not monthly. So another door gently shuts, just enough of a crack to peek in and see what is happening without me. And if I am lucky, some of the activity will overlap with coming home for a week-end now and then. Oh, well. Endings and beginnings. And as Brian says, maybe someone else will now have a shot at winning at scrabble! God has other games for me to play and other places to be, and so it begins.

The moving truck will be here in a few hours, so I guess I am on my way to see what the new apartment looks like and explore the neighborhood a bit and enjoy this process,a nd begin to meet folks. Brad and Peter and Scott and Brian are moving me - the shop is filled to the gills with so many boxes! It takes a lot of stuff to live well. Bathroom stuff, kitchen stuff, bedroom stuff, study stuff, pretty stuff, comforting stuff, and lots and lots of stained glass and mosaic stuff! I like to think I could live with very little - and I probably could. But I have felt the need to really nest - make my apartment a sanctuary. In the spirit of contolling VERY LITTLE for the past two years, leaning into God's will for me, I can at least surround myself with things that remind me of the farm, and make me smile. No less than three pictures of the farm, nope - four. And a huge wreath of blue and purple hydrangeas that Karen made just before we closed. My stained glass mosaic mirrors. Stained glass panels. Two of my bunnies - maybe more to come. Dishes and vases from Taize. A purple teapot, blue and purple dishes. Handmade pottery from Block Island, all kinds of beautiful and functional things.  Pam will be coming down this afternoon  to help unpack boxes, and she and Peter and Brad will be staying with me til Tuesday - Scott and Brian will drive the moving truck home tonight. It will be a long day for everyone.  I hope we get some kind of parking on the street,  it won't be pretty as Noradeen says. But tonight - I will sleep on my new mattress, in my new sheets, surrounded by pretty things that will make me comfortable for the next three years. Melding my old life and my new one. Bring it on! Beginnings and endings. All blurred together. Thanks be to God!